That feeling; vulnerability

A few days ago I left my apartment to do a food shop nearby. No big deal. And yet, in a way, it was.

First of all, the movement of walking – further than recent steps indoors which had taken me as far as bedroom to bathroom to kitchen to terrace.

I’d walked to a public place, a few hundred metres away from my apartment.

There were a few people on the streets, faces covered with scarves and masks. Others wore nothing, seemingly oblivious, in another realm.

I move around my apartment a lot, yoga mostly. It wasn’t the movement, it was the being in a public space that had knocked me off centre.

On return to my apartment, I felt weird. I reflected on the experience – can you imagine doing that pre-Covid-19?

I mean, reflecting on an almost daily visit to your local shop?

I sat with those feelings for a moment, what was this weird feeling?

Vulnerability.

Leaving the safety of my home had left me feeling exposed.

My ego did not like it. It started chatting. Loudly, creating fear after fear.

Thankfully, I had a call lined up that evening with Catherine, a friend and gifted healer who often helps me unpick a messy mind. Within a few minutes of listening to this chatter, she got to the root of the fear, and helped me to pull it out.

I was afraid of the virus. Whilst I have for the most part been able to focus my energy on the positives; using the space and time created to deepen my yoga practice, enjoy being at home, chatting to friends & family, and diving into creativity. Subconsciously, I’d got my knickers in a twist.

She asked me, ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’

I replied, ‘That humanity could become extinct. That I will die, suffering. That I will create suffering for those I leave behind.’

We discussed my beliefs for what happens after death. That our souls live on. That we are energy. That we will come back in another form. That death is part of the natural cycle of life.

‘By not accepting death we put ourselves outside of the natural circle of life’, Valerie Cabanes, Homo Natura

The next day, I meditated and wrote this blog. As I did so, I noted, we’re all feeling more fearful at this time. We’re all united in facing our fears, our feelings of vulnerability.

Perhaps that will be one of the gifts in the wake of Covid-19. That we will be more aware and accepting of our egoic minds. We will be more compassionate to ourselves, and others, as we live out the human experience, learning to overcome our fears and balance our egos.

To fully understand, having felt it this last few weeks, that we are all connected. We have a common goal. We are one humanity, sharing our home, Planet Earth.

So much love and gratitude.