Surfing for life and loss

Surfing is where I connect to feelings of aliveness, harmony and joy.

It’s what moves me through grief and loss and enables me to face the world with a huge smile, even when life gets tough. For that, I am eternally grateful.

It was when I was flattened by the death of a parent for the second time that I found a sense of belonging and connection to life through the ocean. 

I observed how surfing soothes those overwhelming feelings of loss, uprooting, and loneliness.

I now understand how when something is taken from us on the physical level, it offers an opportunity to connect to life spiritually—spiritual in the unseen sense of the word, like the energy of the ocean. 

The other day, on what would’ve been my dad’s birthday, I sat with a notebook overlooking a local surf spot. Reflecting on how, after his death, I have found a deeper connection to the ocean and what makes me feel alive: surfing.

This is what I wrote.

Learning a new language

When the world doesn’t make sense, when words don’t have meaning, the ocean is a place that communicates in an unspoken language. Subtle energy with its own rhythm. It doesn’t need explanations. It doesn’t want to be figured out or talked through. It wants to be felt, the ebbs and flows. Learning to read the ocean requires focus, practice and space to tune in, using all your senses. Ultimately, that leads to a deeper connection to yourself, and how you connect to the natural world. 

Find equality in the waves

In a world that sometimes feels divisive, I find equality in the ocean. The wave doesn’t categorise you by religion, race, age, status, salary or gender. Men, women, and kids paddle alongside each other; there are no ladies first excuses at the peak. When a set comes, it’s the surfer who positions themselves closest to the peak, commits to the wave, and paddles until they feel the push who catches the wave. The energy of the wave and the surfer merge; they become one. There is no space for inequality or comparison; it’s you and the ocean.

Lightness of being

While surfing, I feel such a connection to the ocean, a lightness. There’s me floating on a board, fish darting beneath, seagulls hovering above, and often surfers or swimmers alongside. Everything flows in harmony. I love it when the waves sparkle; so much light reflected on the ocean's surface. I see that light in my eyes and those around me, life energy flowing.

Fulfills a need to keep moving fast

I have realised I have a restless nature, a need to keep moving, unsettling on land but an excellent tool for catching waves! A surfer never sits still in the ocean; we are always moving to be in the optimal position to catch a wave. If you are naturally fast, quick to react, and easily adaptable, rest assured these traits are beneficial in the ocean.

Patience 

The ocean and learning to surf teaches us many lessons in patience. It can be a long wait for waves and a long wait for our goals to be fulfilled. Keep dreaming big and moving towards your goals with compassion and faith in yourself.

Timing

It is all about timing. Trust that your wave and time will come. You just need to be prepared for them when they do! 

Let go of the need to control

As a free spirit who likes structure, I feel the ocean provides a sense of freedom with a rhythm and rules governed by nature. Through surfing, you learn to respect and embrace the rules. For someone who likes to be in control but free from control, it is freeing to let go of the need to control and trust that something else—the ocean—is in charge. 

Embrace the wipeouts

If you’re not wiping out, you’re not trying, and if you’re not trying, you’ll never improve your surfing. Surfing teaches you how much we learn through our mistakes. And 99% of the time, it doesn’t hurt when you fall on water. Learning to fall safely is also part of the journey. Pick yourself and your ego back up, jump back on your board, and try again. 

Dance with the waves 

Challenge yourself, train hard, set goals for your surf sessions, but allow space to surf just for joy, just for you. During those sessions, bobbing around, I feel the spirit of the ocean and its natural beauty—a call to sit for a while—food for the soul.

Belonging

Wherever there are waves, you’ll find like-minded people who share your passion. When you surf, it's like having a home - waves - wherever you go. There’s comfort, community and connection in that. 

So there you go.

Many speak of being saved by surfing.

I am one of them.

I have seen and experienced first-hand how the ocean can keep us moving and connected to life even when it is most painful.

I have also come to realise while experiencing more loss recently, how grief continues to come back around in different forms. It is a natural part of life’s cycle and cannot be avoided.

Experience has taught me to find a healthy tool(s)—whatever makes you feel alive and connected—to help you move through the pain in a lighter, joyful, and life-loving way. 

If you’re struggling with grief, I feel you. It is such a challenging process. My hope is that you find a way to move through your journey, breath by breath, feeling loved and supported, and eventually finding lightness and gratitude for life.

And one day, when you’re ready, I would love to share a wave!

Thank you for reading.